Easy Way to Track Eye Drops After Cataract Surgery

Free post-cataract surgery eye drops tracking spreadsheet on Google Drive

My mom got cataract surgery in her left eye.

She doesn't use a smart phone. Or a computer. This left us with the formidable task of figuring out a system for her to remember how and when to take her eye drops. Then there was convincing her she could do it herself.

The post-surgery instructions to aid healing and avoid infection were complicated:

• For 1 week, put 1 drop of Pharma in your eye.
• Wait 5 minutes.
• Put 1 drop of Vigamox in your eye.
• Do this 4 times a day.

The following week do it 3 times a day.
Third week, 2 times a day.
The last week 1 time a day.

Then came the right eye surgery, in which she wondered if she should keep putting drops in her left eye!

How does someone with slight dementia track eye drops when us youngsters have enough trouble?

Here's how: Copy my free post-cataract surgery eye drops tracking spreadsheet from Google Drive.

It's Mom-approved: I "usability tested" this spreadsheet on my mom and updated it so the instructions would be very clear -- including which eye she is supposed to be putting the eye drops in.

I hope this shortcut spreadsheet helps you with your parent who has dementia or Alzheimers (or anyone who just plain needs an easy to way to track post-cataract surgery eye drops).

What do I do if I meet an elderly person who seems lost or confused?

I thought I would know the answer to this, as I always wondered what would happen if my mom was confused about who or where she was.

The answer is simple: call the police. Either 911 or the non-emergency police number.

Today I met a man who was probably in his late 80s who couldn't remember the name of the street that he used to live on. Then he said he briefly lived in his car. And he wasn't sure of the streets in front of him either even though he had lived in the neighborhood for decades.

He was hard of hearing and clearly has either dementia or Alzheimer's issues.
Once he revealed that he had owned a building 2 blocks away, that had been sold, my gut said that he probably had suffered memory loss after leaving that building where he had lived for many years.

While my mom has both a bracelet and a dogtag with her emergency contact information, this fellow didn't really answer when I asked if he had family in the area.

I wondered if he did not what would happen to him if I called the police.

In the end, once he said he is a Buddhist and there is a group he goes to once ina  while nearby, I decided to do nothing. I don't know if that was right, but my neighbor said she had seem him around.

His clothes looked clean and new. So I can only hope he knew where he was going and had someone to go back to, and that that place was "home" to him.

Please take the time to chat with elderly people who begin to chat with you on the street. Your time and attention can be the difference between life or death.

Preparing Mom to stop driving - the short list

Oh yes, there's going to be screaming. There's going to be drinking. There's going to be ... well, who knows. So to keep my sanity and smooth the transition to 80s-something, limited income mom living an active lifestyle without a car, I created the following list for her new non-driving lifestyle.
(She lives in an apartment in a relatively urban area but does not like making use of senior services, which I'm guessing may be very common)

Folding cane since she will be walking more. I had thought of an umbrella / parasol cane - walking stick for when she's sitting at bus stops, but those are just hard to come by. Plus a folding cane can be an emergency cane to have her in her bag, so she doesn't have to admit up front that she sometimes needs a cane!

Better purse - Mom likes to carry a purse and basically the equivalent of a filing cabinet. So I got a cute leather bucket bag with plenty of zipper pockets to carry everything she needs and to be able to reach important things quickly in the small pockets.

A pocket sized "wallet" - At home I keep important things in my pocket instead of my purse. Just in case. For an elderly person it's important to keep some money and ID in the purse and some in pockets...for the same reason. That way if they forget the purse somewhere they are not left high and dry.

A great refrigerator - Since she will be shopping less she will need to be able to store more fresh food and make sure it can keep for a while.

Walking shoes

A jitterbug phone and plan - There's one plan with emergency help, and after going through multiple cell phones (and not even wanting to "go there" with a smartphone which I know she couldn't use very easily) we are exploring the Jitterbug, designed for elderly folk. http://www.jitterbugdirect.com/plans.html

OTHER TO DO

Get her bus schedules
Find better transport than taxis (apparently there are many volunteer drivers through different non profits of which I have yet to delve.)

TEST RUN THE NEW LIFESTYLE WITH MOM

-Take bus with mom

-Schedule 2 different pick ups from the senior center so mom can get used to it.

-Empty car to take it with me :(
-Change the insurance policy.

It's time to get mom to stop driving so I compiled some links to help

People, especially Californians, may view cars as their birthright. Or their right arm.
Getting around without a car in most cities can be downright annoying and time consuming.

And for elderly folks whose health and reflexes are unpredictable, being without a car can save someone's life and save a LOT of money.

Before you talk to your elderly parent or grandparents about turning in the keys, be prepared with proposals for how he or she will get around.

Get the DMV to Just Say No to the Car

A doctor can ask the DMV to suspend someone's license if she or he feels the patient shouldn't be driving. Or the doctor might ask the DMV to require a test. Then the topic is out of your hands! They're the bad guys.

Peer-to-Peer Car Services for Seniors

This is a major taxi-alternative find to help your parents stay independent: Check if your area has an ITN (Independent Transportation Network) organization which provides a very high touch service geared to seniors and people with disabilities that is
(Read about why the woman who started this non-profit was compelled, after her child was hit by an elderly driver with dementia.)

The ITN service is also consumer oriented. We provide excellent customer service with the arm-through-arm, door-through-door standard that sets us apart from taxis.  Like using one's own automobile, the ITN service is available 24/7 and gives customers the flexibility to schedule their rides in advance or as needed, as well as the option to ride alone or with others, as they please, to destinations of their choice. - from the Los Angeles ITN service

Peer to peer car services: If your future non-driving senior has a smartphone and is in a metropolitan area, services like Uber, Lyft and Sidecar may be great options. I tried the "You'll be like a New Yorker hailing drivers whenever you want to go out!"

But since mom does not have an iPhone — and I don't want to train her to use one or pay for the data plan — those ideas are out. While taxis are an option, the sharing economy car services seem more friendly and lower cost. Hopefully one day they'll be usable by phone. By that I mean by voice. Like, old fashioned style.

Learn the psychology behind giving up the car to make the conversation easier.

• Caring.com has a great article on having the conversation about stopping driving.
• The Berkeley Parents Network's posts will give you confidence that you are in the very same boat that most other kids are in. It's never easy or pleasant for anyone. So take a read and realize you're not a bad person!
• An NBC article on getting grandma to stop driving from 2008 is still timely and has lots of great statistics and strategies to use to bolster your case.
  
  The article also references the senior citizen who plowed into the Santa Monica farmers market. The problem so far with my mom, to whom I've mentioned this, is that she has very convenient memory loss.
• I'm also going to hand this New York Times blog article to my mom. After all, if a New York Times writer is going through this same thing, it'll validate her need to stop driving.
• Awesome article from Salon.com telling a heartwarming (for me anyway) story about getting mom to give up the keys.

I am going to keep updating this page with stories.

In the meantime, I feel like an ass for having a secret plan to take the car after I fly to visit mom this week. At the same time, the frickin car is in my name so I'm protecting my own future as well as peace of mind by doing this.

The big question: When are online matchmaking communities going to crop up that connect  kids with aging parents who don't live in their parents' cities and may swap transportation and other help ?

Craigslist to the Rescue - Moving, Giving Away, Finding People to Help Mom

In the process of moving my mom and downsizing her belongings, we have placed a bevy of ads on Craigslist. (Why not Freecycle? I adore the groups that let you offer things for free and post free things wanted. But their requirements to arrange a time / place with the taker at a certain time or arrange for pickup -- and get dinged if your item is gone for that reason -- with sometimes people flaking, is just too much work when you're in a hurry at least in most of my experience.)

To offset the moving costs and help us clear the apartment out we placed the following ads. Perhaps you might find them handy as a checklist!

• Many free and for sale ads - While it may seem scary to have strangers coming to your house, for the most part if you take care to have a quick phone chat, you will most likely end up with good folk. The people you might find most repellant are actually resellers who may descend on your parent's place like a hawk spotting a field mouse -- with great intention, velocity, and without regard to anyone's feelings.
  
  Note on selling books and records: If you have valuable items, selling direct online may be a better bet. The stores often pay 40% or less than they will sell them for. If you check Craigslist you will also see people selling books for other people to sell online. That's a lot of middle men taking a bite out of your potential profits. There are iPhone apps from online stores like Half.com that make it easy to scan and upload books for sale.
  
• Ads for local haulers or laborers to load our moving truck - The other option people suggested was picking up day laborers at Home Depot. Those stores are few and far between in parts of Los Angeles so screening people who responded on Craigslist was easier and more certain.
  
  We weren't using a moving company and found renting a truck gave us the time and space flexibility we needed. Unfortunately the street was too narrow for the Pod company's equipment to fit to load and unload the Pod or we would have gone that way.
  
  Pods let you load up a huge mobile storage unit basically then plop it down to store and pick it up when you're ready to move without loading and unloading.. (Important to check!!)
  
• Ads for ride share companions and people needing things moved to where we were moving
  
  We drove several loads and we were able to offset our  cost a couple of times by moving boxes and various large items which would have cost the other person a lot of money had they used a regular mover. It was a good deal for us too.
  
• Apartment swap ads and wanted - You may not think about it but if might be able to have someone else live in the space your parent would have been moving to, could you swap with someone who wants to move to your area and allow your parent to live in their space -- at least for a while? It could be a great win win for everyone, worth considering.

I'll add to the list of ads -- but for now I am off for the final move! Yes the final final move.

The Big Last Day Tackling Moving My Working Elderly Mom - No Decisions Made

The answer: With great difficulty.

Today is the big day, the last day -- and fourth time -- we will have a moving truck to pack up loads and loads of papers, lingering furniture, and maybe 100 or 200 boxes of books. How someone amasses such things is a mystery. I may end up building a fort with the book boxes.

The hard part is there are many valuable books so we need to spend our time and energy (really all you have in life) to pick through. Then either dedicate time to selling them online, finding somewhere to put them, or hiring someone to sell them.

Not to mention, the energy, money and time to transport the books to a safe place for storage (oh, more money).

Back to the topic at hand.

Moving a Parent From the Community, From Work Connections, From Life...sometimes it is a must do and it is never easy.

Usually the older we get, the more inflexible and set in our ways we become. It seems like a dirty topic in the media no one talks about. Many seniors have no money. Many parents would be out on the street if their kids didn't take care of them.

That's our situation. All the money spent on things and income from still working only a hope and a prayer, rarely coming to fruition.

Our Relocation Decision Path

• Move in with me and become my dependent for a tax break. The IRS rules are actually more flexible than I realized. (If you are taking care of a parent--  especially if they are in assisted living which can totally overtakes the cost of college -- be sure to explore making them your dependent if you can save much more than any income they may be making over $3,500 such as due to stock returns.)
  
  In an ideal world your parent will find it a fun challenge to help you achieve the requirements to make them a tax deduction. In my mom's case. the pride and independence of working is more important to her than helping me....despite that I clearly have been paying more than half of her expenses.
  
  Some of the rules include:
• Social security is excluded from the (currently) $3,500 income exemption amount according to Bankrate. 
• Other requirements apply related to residency, that you have to be funding more than 50% of his or her income, and other things. IRS Publication 501, Exemptions, Standard Deduction, and Filing Information
• Now that all the crap has been dumped on me, rent a tiny room in her home town. Being able to stay in the town or city they are familiar with -- for senility purposes -- is even more preferable than moving somewhere else in comfort, if your elderly parent wants to keep working. BUT then she would need someone to occasionally help her.
• Move in with another sibling. Therein lies the "still working" problem as my siblings live out of state and my mom's license 

I guess those are the choices. Choices are hard but it's good to have choices.

In one week I will know the answer.

How to Downsize Your Parent's 50 Years of Belongings

The answer? With great difficulty.

Downsizing is easier when the stuff that is taking up a lot of space is not valuable or precious. Sure in the eyes of the family and your parents, any furniture, knick knacks, Christmas ornaments and egg beaters you've seen day in and day out are the equivalent of priceless heirlooms.

In a 6 week process in which we moved a ton (sometimes known as a shitload) of my parents' belongings to my house, we have learned a few things I'd like to share for other kids faced with relocating their parents ... especially if you are funding the move and your elderly parents don't have money.

You have a few options for downsizing:

Option 1) In a hurry? Don't downsize. Move it all then decide later.

The pros: You won't inadvertently give away anything that really is precious to the family.

You spend less time culling through everything now. There are downsizing consultants who charge a lot, maybe $65 per hour or more (sometimes called movers !). If your parent is a hoarder he or she will invariably take an hour per item. Seriously. That money can add up
The definition of money down the drain? Spending $65 per hour to get RID of stuff. See the irony?
Spending money to move it and waiting for that "inevitable" day is probably more cost effective if you have storage space.

Weigh the costs of:

• Moving
• Storing
• Paying someone to help sort
  
  

Option 2) Take an aggressive approach to throwing stuff out and giving things away.

The con: Your mom or dad might go downright crazy with grief and anger. Do you want your parent's mind to fail or get worse over a few things?

I realize dealing with rooms and rooms of crap can be completey overwhelming. We've just gone through the process of unveiling boxes and boxes and piles and piles of clothes, papers, etc. Given the cost of elder care and assisted living, the cost of maintaining our mother's sanity and dignity seemed far less than the cost of storing the things she loves. Sure it's painful and embarrassing but a low cost to pay.

More thoughts to come later. The drama continues...
What are you going through?