What do I do if I meet an elderly person who seems lost or confused?

I thought I would know the answer to this, as I always wondered what would happen if my mom was confused about who or where she was.

The answer is simple: call the police. Either 911 or the non-emergency police number.

Today I met a man who was probably in his late 80s who couldn't remember the name of the street that he used to live on. Then he said he briefly lived in his car. And he wasn't sure of the streets in front of him either even though he had lived in the neighborhood for decades.

He was hard of hearing and clearly has either dementia or Alzheimer's issues.
Once he revealed that he had owned a building 2 blocks away, that had been sold, my gut said that he probably had suffered memory loss after leaving that building where he had lived for many years.

While my mom has both a bracelet and a dogtag with her emergency contact information, this fellow didn't really answer when I asked if he had family in the area.

I wondered if he did not what would happen to him if I called the police.

In the end, once he said he is a Buddhist and there is a group he goes to once ina  while nearby, I decided to do nothing. I don't know if that was right, but my neighbor said she had seem him around.

His clothes looked clean and new. So I can only hope he knew where he was going and had someone to go back to, and that that place was "home" to him.

Please take the time to chat with elderly people who begin to chat with you on the street. Your time and attention can be the difference between life or death.

Preparing Mom to stop driving - the short list

Oh yes, there's going to be screaming. There's going to be drinking. There's going to be ... well, who knows. So to keep my sanity and smooth the transition to 80s-something, limited income mom living an active lifestyle without a car, I created the following list for her new non-driving lifestyle.
(She lives in an apartment in a relatively urban area but does not like making use of senior services, which I'm guessing may be very common)

Folding cane since she will be walking more. I had thought of an umbrella / parasol cane - walking stick for when she's sitting at bus stops, but those are just hard to come by. Plus a folding cane can be an emergency cane to have her in her bag, so she doesn't have to admit up front that she sometimes needs a cane!

Better purse - Mom likes to carry a purse and basically the equivalent of a filing cabinet. So I got a cute leather bucket bag with plenty of zipper pockets to carry everything she needs and to be able to reach important things quickly in the small pockets.

A pocket sized "wallet" - At home I keep important things in my pocket instead of my purse. Just in case. For an elderly person it's important to keep some money and ID in the purse and some in pockets...for the same reason. That way if they forget the purse somewhere they are not left high and dry.

A great refrigerator - Since she will be shopping less she will need to be able to store more fresh food and make sure it can keep for a while.

Walking shoes

A jitterbug phone and plan - There's one plan with emergency help, and after going through multiple cell phones (and not even wanting to "go there" with a smartphone which I know she couldn't use very easily) we are exploring the Jitterbug, designed for elderly folk. http://www.jitterbugdirect.com/plans.html

OTHER TO DO

Get her bus schedules
Find better transport than taxis (apparently there are many volunteer drivers through different non profits of which I have yet to delve.)

TEST RUN THE NEW LIFESTYLE WITH MOM

-Take bus with mom

-Schedule 2 different pick ups from the senior center so mom can get used to it.

-Empty car to take it with me :(
-Change the insurance policy.

It's time to get mom to stop driving so I compiled some links to help

People, especially Californians, may view cars as their birthright. Or their right arm.
Getting around without a car in most cities can be downright annoying and time consuming.

And for elderly folks whose health and reflexes are unpredictable, being without a car can save someone's life and save a LOT of money.

Before you talk to your elderly parent or grandparents about turning in the keys, be prepared with proposals for how he or she will get around.

Get the DMV to Just Say No to the Car

A doctor can ask the DMV to suspend someone's license if she or he feels the patient shouldn't be driving. Or the doctor might ask the DMV to require a test. Then the topic is out of your hands! They're the bad guys.

Peer-to-Peer Car Services for Seniors

This is a major taxi-alternative find to help your parents stay independent: Check if your area has an ITN (Independent Transportation Network) organization which provides a very high touch service geared to seniors and people with disabilities that is
(Read about why the woman who started this non-profit was compelled, after her child was hit by an elderly driver with dementia.)

The ITN service is also consumer oriented. We provide excellent customer service with the arm-through-arm, door-through-door standard that sets us apart from taxis.  Like using one's own automobile, the ITN service is available 24/7 and gives customers the flexibility to schedule their rides in advance or as needed, as well as the option to ride alone or with others, as they please, to destinations of their choice. - from the Los Angeles ITN service

Peer to peer car services: If your future non-driving senior has a smartphone and is in a metropolitan area, services like Uber, Lyft and Sidecar may be great options. I tried the "You'll be like a New Yorker hailing drivers whenever you want to go out!"

But since mom does not have an iPhone — and I don't want to train her to use one or pay for the data plan — those ideas are out. While taxis are an option, the sharing economy car services seem more friendly and lower cost. Hopefully one day they'll be usable by phone. By that I mean by voice. Like, old fashioned style.

Learn the psychology behind giving up the car to make the conversation easier.

• Caring.com has a great article on having the conversation about stopping driving.
• The Berkeley Parents Network's posts will give you confidence that you are in the very same boat that most other kids are in. It's never easy or pleasant for anyone. So take a read and realize you're not a bad person!
• An NBC article on getting grandma to stop driving from 2008 is still timely and has lots of great statistics and strategies to use to bolster your case.
  
  The article also references the senior citizen who plowed into the Santa Monica farmers market. The problem so far with my mom, to whom I've mentioned this, is that she has very convenient memory loss.
• I'm also going to hand this New York Times blog article to my mom. After all, if a New York Times writer is going through this same thing, it'll validate her need to stop driving.
• Awesome article from Salon.com telling a heartwarming (for me anyway) story about getting mom to give up the keys.

I am going to keep updating this page with stories.

In the meantime, I feel like an ass for having a secret plan to take the car after I fly to visit mom this week. At the same time, the frickin car is in my name so I'm protecting my own future as well as peace of mind by doing this.

The big question: When are online matchmaking communities going to crop up that connect  kids with aging parents who don't live in their parents' cities and may swap transportation and other help ?