OMG it is the day before d-day, the day my mom has to move from the place she has lived for the past 18 years. She thinks of it as home even though we all thought of it as a giant storage unit full not of baggage but of boxed things and piles of stuff from when she had to move there 18 years ago.
Despite her age she seems to be taking this move in stride although only 24 hours before she has to move it is not quite clear that she is actually leaving or where she is going.
She continues to live in a state of unreality not grasping that she could lose her phone numbers if she does not forward them, that her mail needs to be forwarded as well.
Our family is so "nice" we haven't forced her to do these things. Well partly despite her weakness and depression she is so strong it is easier not to rock the boat and have her get upset with us.
After watching a seminar on dealing with aging parents, I know looking the other way is not the right thing to do. Here is what we have done so far with great success in helping our hoarding elderly - yet very alert and brilliant mom - get ready for moving:
1) The whole family went and looked at 55+ housing together. We all agreed it most certainly did not feel right to us and did not pay off on the promise..not to mention the woman showing us around didn't quite have that wonderful glowing unit available she had on the phone.
2) I bit the bullet and bought a place that could accommodate her. I thought I was scared of her coming to live with me; I think she is even more worried than I am that my life is too boring for her. Ha!
Offering for my mom to come live with me knowing I would have to handle her as her body gives way is the toughest thing I have done. Yet you know when you do something unquestioningly, maybe because it's the right thing or there's no other way? That's how it feels.
Like I had my 20s-40s to have fun. Now this is my job. Gulp.
3) We are now on our third major truckload of stuff moving. It's hard to believe she packed that much into her apartment as there is a ton leftover.
The combination of a senior who hoards and won't admit it is a trying thing for any family to face.
It has been a joy seeing her give away some furniture and even suggest having a garage sale (too little too late, but at least a glimmer of hope).
We are exhausted before the journey has begun.
What will happen tomorrow?
I wish Dr. Phil could give her a call to talk her through knowing this is yet another step in the journey that is her life.
Then again, a woman who has self-reflected so little in her life may be untouched by the man I consider so wise.
Stay tuned for what happens next. It's a learning experience.
